When you see someone’s newborn baby and the kid looks like a Klingon, you know damn well the parents are expecting you to give the standard complement “Oh my god he/she is beautiful” but you don’t want to lie, you cant say “omg your kids ugly, what happened?” Just say something like “wow he looks just like you”.
When someone is about to talk your ear off and you don’t really feel like being trapped in a conversation about their trials and tribulations with chronic hemorrhoids, just say “I’m sorry, I have to go drop off the Cosby kids at the pool” Not only will they be perplexed trying to figure out what you just said but once the light bulb does go off in that little head of theirs they’ll be understanding and might even offer you some of their ass cream.
When someone offers you food you really don’t want to eat or like just take it with a smile and say thanks. Odds are they have a dog or a cat that will happily take it off your hands from under the table, and if they don’t the most likely have little kids in the house and you can just drop and your host will just assume it was one of them.
These are just a few of the helpful hints that will help you get through all the holidays, Happy Thanks Giving and Merry Christmas.